- Published on
How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex Constantly
- Authors
- Name
- Gautier
I used to check my phone 200 times a day.
Not for work. Not for friends. But hoping for that one message that never came.
Every morning, my ex was the first thought in my head. Every night, she was the last. In between? A constant mental slideshow of memories, what-ifs, and imaginary conversations that left me exhausted.
If you're reading this at 2 AM because you can't stop your brain from replaying that last fight, I get it. The obsessive thinking after a breakup isn't just annoying—it's torture.
But here's what I learned: you can stop thinking about your ex constantly. It takes strategy, not willpower.
Why Your Brain Won't Let Go
Your brain isn't trying to hurt you. It's trying to solve a problem.
When someone who was a major part of your life suddenly disappears, your mind goes into overdrive. It's searching for answers, trying to make sense of the loss, and desperately looking for ways to fix what's broken.
This creates what psychologists call "rumination loops." Your thoughts get stuck on repeat, like a broken record that won't stop playing the same painful song.
The harder you try to not think about your ex, the more you think about them. It's like someone telling you not to think about a pink elephant—suddenly, that's all you can see.
But there's a way out.
My 6-Step Method to Stop Obsessive Thinking
After months of mental torture, I developed a system that actually works. These aren't just tips—they're the exact strategies that saved my sanity.
1. The 90-Second Rule
When an obsessive thought about your ex hits, you have 90 seconds before it becomes a spiral.
Here's what to do:
- Acknowledge the thought: "I'm thinking about Sarah again"
- Set a timer for 90 seconds
- Let yourself feel whatever comes up
- When the timer goes off, redirect your attention to something physical
I'd do pushups, take a cold shower, or call a friend. The key is moving your body to break the mental pattern.
This no contact approach becomes much easier when you have tools to handle the mental invasion.
2. Replace the Mental Movie
Your brain loves stories. Instead of trying to delete the story about your ex, give it a better one to focus on.
I started writing down my goals for the next 6 months. Every time my mind wandered to my ex, I'd open that list and add more detail. What did I want to achieve? Who did I want to become?
Within weeks, my brain had a new favorite story—my future self.
3. The Contact Audit
This one's crucial. You can't stop thinking about someone if reminders are everywhere.
Here's your checklist:
- Delete their number (yes, really)
- Unfollow on all social media
- Remove photos from your phone
- Store their belongings out of sight
- Change routes that pass their favorite places
Sounds extreme? It's not. It's strategic. You're giving your brain space to heal instead of constant triggers to obsess.
Stop the mental loops with guided exercises and daily tracking. Take back control of your mind and your healing journey.
4. The Thought Log Method
For two weeks, I wrote down every time I thought about my ex. Date, time, what triggered it, how long it lasted.
The pattern was clear: certain times (mornings, late evenings) and certain triggers (specific songs, places, even smells) were setting me off.
Once I knew my triggers, I could prepare for them. I'd plan different routes, create new morning routines, and have backup activities ready for vulnerable moments.
Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to dealing with breakup anxiety.
5. Active Distraction vs Passive Distraction
Scrolling Instagram isn't distraction—it's numbness. Your brain can still wander while you mindlessly swipe.
Active distraction requires focus:
- Learning a new skill
- Intense physical exercise
- Deep conversations with friends
- Creative projects that demand attention
I took up rock climbing. Those walls demanded 100% of my focus. For the first time in months, I had stretches where I didn't think about her at all.
6. The Future Self Technique
Here's the game-changer: instead of fighting thoughts about your past, redirect them to your future.
Every time I caught myself thinking "What if we got back together?", I'd ask instead: "What kind of person do I want to be in a year?"
This shift changed everything. My energy went from dwelling on what I'd lost to building what I wanted to gain.
What Actually Worked for Me
After 4 months of applying these strategies consistently, something shifted. The thoughts didn't stop overnight, but they lost their power.
Instead of 200 phone checks, I was down to maybe 20. Instead of hourlong mental spirals, the thoughts would come and go in minutes.
Most importantly, I started having days where I didn't think about her at all. Real, full days where my mind was occupied with my own life, my own goals, my own growth.
The obsessive thinking that once controlled me became just... thoughts. They'd show up, I'd acknowledge them, and they'd move on.
The Brutal Truth About Time
People say "time heals everything." That's not quite right.
Time combined with intentional action heals everything.
If you spend the next 6 months passively waiting for the thoughts to stop while doing nothing to change your patterns, you'll still be stuck in the same mental loops.
But if you actively work on redirecting your thoughts, removing triggers, and building a life worth thinking about, those 6 months become transformative.
Join thousands who have broken free from obsessive thinking. Get daily support, tracking tools, and proven strategies to reclaim your mental space.
When the Thoughts Still Come
Even now, occasionally, she pops into my head. The difference is that it doesn't derail my entire day anymore.
I acknowledge the thought: "Oh, there's that old pattern again."
I remember how far I've come: "I've built an incredible life without her."
And I refocus on what matters now: "What am I grateful for today?"
The thoughts may never completely disappear. But they don't have to control you.
Your Next 24 Hours
Here's your action plan for the next day:
- Remove one trigger from your environment
- Set a 90-second timer the next time obsessive thoughts hit
- Write down 3 goals for your future self
- Plan one active distraction for tonight
Small steps, but they add up to freedom.
Remember: the goal isn't to never think about your ex again. The goal is to think about them without it destroying your peace of mind.
You've already survived the worst part—the breakup itself. Now it's time to reclaim your thoughts and build the life you deserve.
Because the person you're becoming? They're worth thinking about way more than the person who left.
What's the first trigger you're going to remove today?