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Getting Over Someone You Love: Complete Guide
- Authors
- Name
- Gautier
I never thought I'd write these words.
After 10 years with someone I believed was my soulmate, I found myself googling "how to get over someone you love" at 3 AM. Broken. Desperate. Convinced I'd never feel whole again.
The woman who had been my everything—my partner, my best friend, the mother to our little French bulldog Laya—had not only left me but betrayed me in ways I never imagined possible.
If you're here right now, you probably know that feeling. That crushing weight in your chest. The inability to imagine a future without them. The constant replaying of memories, wondering what went wrong.
I get it. And I'm here to tell you something that might be hard to believe right now: you will get through this.
Why Getting Over Someone You Love Feels Impossible
Let me be straight with you—getting over someone you love isn't just "moving on from a relationship." It's grieving the death of a future you had planned. It's questioning everything you thought you knew about love, trust, and yourself.
When you love someone deeply, they become woven into the fabric of your identity. Their absence doesn't just leave a hole—it feels like losing a part of yourself.
During those two months of forced cohabitation after my breakup, I watched the woman I loved become a stranger. She looked at me with complete indifference, as if our decade together meant nothing. That level of emotional disconnection from someone you still love? It's psychological torture.
But here's what I learned: that pain isn't weakness. It's proof of your capacity to love deeply.
The question isn't whether you'll survive this. You will. The question is: will you let this experience break you, or will you use it to become stronger?
The Truth About Moving On From Love
Let's kill some myths right now:
Myth #1: Time heals all wounds
Time doesn't heal anything by itself. What you do with that time is what matters.
Myth #2: You need to hate them to move on
Wrong. You can love someone and still choose to let them go.
Myth #3: Moving on means forgetting
You'll never forget someone you truly loved. Moving on means integrating that experience into who you're becoming.
Myth #4: If you really loved them, you wouldn't be able to move on
This is the cruelest myth of all. Real love sometimes means loving someone enough to let them go—and loving yourself enough to rebuild.
Here's the real truth: getting over someone you love is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But it's also one of the most transformative.
My 8-Step Framework for Getting Over Someone You Love
These aren't theories. These are the exact strategies that saved me from the darkest period of my life.
1. Accept the Reality of the Situation
The first step isn't forgiveness or moving on—it's radical acceptance.
I spent months making excuses for my ex's behavior. "She's just going through something." "This isn't who she really is." "If I just give her space, she'll remember what we had."
Stop. Just stop.
Accept that the person you fell in love with might not exist anymore. Accept that the relationship you had is over. Accept that they've made their choice.
This doesn't mean you have to like it. But acceptance is the foundation of everything that comes next.
2. Implement Complete No Contact
This is non-negotiable. No texts, no calls, no social media stalking, no "checking in as friends."
I know what you're thinking: "But what if they change their mind?" Here's the hard truth—if someone truly wants to be with you, they won't need convincing. And if they don't want to be with you, no amount of contact will change that.
No contact isn't punishment—it's protection. It protects your healing process and gives you the space to rediscover who you are without them.
3. Feel Everything (Yes, Everything)
Our culture tells us to "get over it" and "move on." Bullshit.
You need to feel the grief. The anger. The confusion. The love that still exists.
I cried in my car. I screamed into pillows. I felt rage that terrified me. And you know what? That's exactly what I needed to do.
Don't numb the pain with alcohol, rebounds, or endless distractions. Feel it fully, because the only way out is through.
Use our app to log your emotions daily and see your progress over time. Thousands have found strength through structured self-reflection.
4. Rebuild Your Identity
When you love someone deeply, you lose pieces of yourself. Now it's time to find them again—and discover new ones.
I had to remember who I was before her. What I liked. What excited me. What my dreams were.
Start small:
- Cook a meal you love that they hated
- Listen to music that was "yours" before it became "ours"
- Reconnect with friends you may have neglected
- Try something you always wanted to do but never did
This isn't about becoming a "new you"—it's about remembering the complete you that existed before you made your world so small it could only fit two people.
5. Process the Relationship Honestly
This step separates healing from just surviving.
You need to examine the relationship with brutal honesty. Not to villainize them or make yourself the victim, but to understand what really happened.
Ask yourself:
- What red flags did I ignore?
- How did I contribute to the problems?
- What patterns do I need to break?
- What did this relationship teach me about my needs and boundaries?
For me, this was the hardest part. Accepting that I had ignored signs of her emotional detachment. Recognizing my own patterns of people-pleasing and losing myself in relationships.
Understanding why some relationships end helps prevent you from repeating the same mistakes.
6. Create New Meaning
The love you shared was real. The pain you're feeling is real. But neither defines your entire story.
I had to stop seeing my 10-year relationship as a "waste" and start seeing it as preparation. It taught me how to love deeply, how to commit, how to be vulnerable. It also taught me about my limits, my worth, and what I won't accept in the future.
Your heartbreak isn't the end of your love story—it's the painful but necessary transition to a better chapter.
7. Build Your Future Self
While you're healing, start building the life you want.
Not the life you had with them. Not the life you thought you'd have together. The life that excites YOU.
I threw myself into my work. I started working out again. I planned trips I'd always wanted to take. I invested in friendships. I learned new skills.
This isn't about proving anything to your ex. This is about proving to yourself that you can create a life so full and meaningful that their absence becomes irrelevant.
8. Open Your Heart Again (When You're Ready)
This might seem impossible right now, but eventually, you'll want to love again.
The goal isn't to replace what you lost. It's to love better, with clearer boundaries, deeper self-knowledge, and stronger emotional resilience.
The healing process takes time, but it does lead somewhere beautiful.
What Getting Over Someone Really Looks Like
Let me tell you what healing actually looks like, because it's not what you see in movies:
Some days you'll feel strong and proud of your progress. Other days you'll wake up and the grief will hit you like a truck.
You'll have moments where you forget they're gone, where you reach for your phone to text them. You'll hear a song or smell their perfume and be right back at square one.
That's not failure. That's the messy, non-linear reality of healing.
Progress isn't measured by the absence of pain. It's measured by your ability to feel the pain without being destroyed by it.
Join thousands who are rebuilding their lives with our 24/7 AI support, daily check-ins, and proven recovery strategies.
The Day You Know You've Made It
There will come a day—and I promise you this day will come—when you think about them and feel... peace.
Not indifference. Not hatred. Peace.
You'll remember the good times with gratitude instead of longing. You'll think about the lessons learned rather than the future lost. You'll realize that while you'll always love parts of who they were, you no longer need them to feel complete.
For me, that day came about eight months after the breakup. I was having coffee with a friend, laughing about something ridiculous, when I realized I hadn't thought about my ex in days.
Not because I was avoiding thoughts of her, but because my life had become so full, so engaging, so authentically mine that she simply wasn't taking up space in my mind anymore.
That's when I knew I had truly gotten over someone I loved.
Your Heart Is Stronger Than You Think
If you're reading this in the middle of your own heartbreak, I want you to know something: you're stronger than you think.
The fact that you're here, looking for ways to heal, proves you haven't given up. That takes courage most people don't understand.
The love you felt was real. The pain you're feeling is real. But neither is permanent.
You will love again. You will trust again. You will build something beautiful from the ashes of what was.
And when that day comes—when you're helping someone else through their own heartbreak—you'll understand why this happened. Not because it was meant to be, but because it made you into someone capable of loving more wisely and living more authentically.
Your story isn't over. This is just the chapter where you learn how strong you really are.
Remember: getting over someone you love isn't about forgetting them. It's about loving yourself enough to choose your own happiness over holding onto theirs.
You've got this. One day at a time.